Here is a little of my story…I’ve been divorced for several years and was married 28 years. I met husband where I attended bible college, he was the outreach director, associate pastor at the time, and one of the teachers.  There were issues in our marriage from the beginning. I must add, he is an awesome teacher on evangelism and outreach. He is also an Author of a book, “At Last I Can Witness.” He did the writing, and I did the typing. His writing inspired me and taught me how to be a better writer.

A few years into our marriage, I was told by my husband that he didn’t marry me because he loved me, but only married me because he felt like the Lord had told him to. He was not capable of loving me when it wasn’t in his heart. We did see a Christian counselor a few years later. The counselor had asked him to write me a love letter for his homework that week. I didn’t know what his homework assignment was, nor did I ask. My assignment was to answer a few simple questions.

The following week at our next appointment, the counselor asked my husband if he had done his homework? He said, “no, I couldn’t do it”. The counselor stated in front of me, “You could not write your wife a love letter?!” My thought was wow! My eyes were opened wide and clear! The counselor saw things and said to my husband, “you two will end up in divorce.”

The way that a man should love a woman was not in the picture (The way that God created a man to love his wife). He had deep wounds from his childhood that he had never confronted. I’m not one who gives up so easily! For years I prayed and prayed and prayed for things to change. I settled and we both suffered! I stayed married for as long as I did for religious reasons, fear, not wanting to be another statistic, naivety, and ignorance. 

It was religion that had blocked me from seeing the truth. There are churches moved by religion that are not teaching on marriage the correct way! Read further and you will find out why!

God, You Don’t Value Me

After years of seeking the Lord in prayer, one day I was out in the yard crying my eyes out and I told God I couldn’t do this anymore and how I felt like a slave, unappreciated, unloved, and how He knew what I was going to go through when I married this man. I said, “GOD, I FEEL LIKE YOU DON’T VALUE ME!” It was then He began showing me some things about His True Love and how we are to reflect his love through one another. The Lord began working on my heart and even confirming things to me.

What bothered me more than anything was that my kids were growing up not seeing their dad loving their mother. They were not learning how to love but how not to love!

One more important thing to add, just because you’re both believers in Christ doesn’t mean you’re equally yoked!

God’s Confirmations

We had a guest speaker one evening in church (I was attending a different church at the time) and the guest was praying over others. A friend of mine kept pushing me to get in line to get prayed for. I finally gave up the ghost and did. I’m so glad I did! That was the evening the Lord began giving me confirmations and encouragement. The words spoken from the Lord were, “I’m going to take better care of you then what has been!” I knew what that meant.

A month later, another guest speaker who knew my husband, asked him what my name was, he told him. And the words he spoke to me were, “Dorrine, YOU ARE A ROCK! YOU’RE A ROCK! YOU’RE A ROCK! YOU’RE A ROCK! (He repeated this several more times) YOU’RE LIKE A PILLAR THAT HOLDS THINGS TOGETHER…THE LORD IS ABOUT TO BLESS YOU! I knew what it meant. You see the Lord was already leading me. And how many know, when God tells us He is about to bless us that it is hardly ever at that moment, week or month? It was near the end of that year a few days after my birthday, I received my blessing… and He is continually blessing me!

God Takes into Consideration All Parties

I had made the final decision early summer that year I was going to divorce my husband. After asking the Lord to show me what to do, how to do it, and when to do it, he began showing me. The Lord released me from the marriage. But I learned He really had already released me, I just needed to take that first step! But it was all on His timing not mine! He led me each step of the way! (When you have children, things need to be done appropriately unless it is a dire situation, then that makes it a complete, different story). God also takes into consideration all parties…he cares about us all, there is a whole picture to look at not just yours or mine but others as well!

There Is No Love in Religion

People often stay in a marriage for the sake of the kids, I’ve seen how wrong this is! Where there is no love there is no representation of the Lord. Staying teaches the opposite! I think people use the kids for reasons due from fear of being alone or not able to make it on their own, financial, material, or for religious reasons. (Take note: I said for religious reasons not God reasons) THERE IS NO LOVE IN RELIGION!

I realized after the fact I had made those things more important than God. When we don’t trust in the Lord, these things not knowingly, can become idols. Anything that takes our focus from the Lord is an idol! Not just money, things or people, fear, YOU CAN BE AN IDOL TO YOURSELF! Oh, and CONTROL can be an idol which comes from FEAR!

Deep wounds from a person’s childhood will keep a person from being all that God has created them to be if not faced or recognized with intention. Growing up my dad was an alcoholic. He had a voice like Perry Como and had a compassionate heart. My dad was an evangelist for a short while and my twin sister and I sang. Because of his deep wounds from his childhood, he too wasn’t capable of loving his wife or his family the way God meant for him to love and be. My dad wasn’t capable of reaching his full potential! I believe fear of being judged and pride are what keep a man from getting the help that they need.

Doesn’t Say for Wives to Love Their Husbands

Ephesians 5:25 & 28 Husbands love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it. So ought men love their wives as their own bodies. He that loveth his wife loveth himself.

The word says for husbands to love their wives as they would love themselves! Note: IT DOESN’T SAY FOR WIVES TO LOVE THEIR HUSBANDS. When a man loves his wife the Lord’s way, he will get back more than what he gives! When a man doesn’t love himself, he isn’t capable of loving his spouse the way that Christ (created him to love her) loves the church. Sometimes it takes a drastic change for one’s eyes to open and take a good look at oneself in order for them to heal.

1Timonthy 5:8 But if any provide not for his own, and especially for those of his own house, he hath denied the faith, and is worse than an infidel.

This scripture is not just talking about financially taking care of your family. God will not hear the prayers of a man if he is not loving his wife! What’s worse is that the whole family ends up suffering for it, because of the man’s sin! This is where I learned how to battle in prayer!

I don’t have any kind of regrets because of what all I had gained from those years! My kids, first of all, who are and have been a great blessing to me! I am now a stronger person then I was before. I gained a greater faith than I thought was possible. Most important of all… through this, I discovered a much deeper love with the Lord. I’ve learned to have a deeper trust and learned how to completely let go and ALLOW HIM TO LEAD THE WAY ALL THE WAY! You know what else? It has been a part of what is leading me to my destiny! Turning what was bad into good by helping others, so they can reach their destiny and hopefully find their purpose!

Whatever Life Calls on Me to Be

Through my years of brokenness and heartache, I not only learned how to battle in prayer for my family’s sake but for others as well. I battled in prayer for cancer victims and those who needed a healing in their bodies of some kind. I would go to their homes and pray with them, to encourage, and to exhort. It was the battling that made me realize and gave me the confidence to know what a part of my calling was. It was a deep desire I always had. I would pray for people wherever I was…even at Walmart, and still do today! There is a correct way to pray and a wrong way. On social media or wherever I’m at, if I see a person who needs prayer, I won’t just offer to pray but I will also direct them how to pray and how to receive for that circumstance.

A Miracle of God

Here is an example of one of my testimonies: I ran into a lady who used to work for me at the senior living home (This was in May 2016). She was overweight and told me she had gone to the doctor and how they were going to remove her thyroid and so on. My reply to her was, “NO YOU WILL NOT NEED TO HAVE THAT THYROID REMOVED!” (That was a “word of knowledge” given by the Holy Spirit) I felt led to pray a prayer of healing over her. I didn’t give it a thought about what others thought in the store. I knew it was of the Lord that I pray for her.

It was the same year Christmas Eve that I ran into her again. She saw me and came to me with excitement and said, “Miss Dorrine (she’s older than I am) The Lord healed me! They didn’t take my thyroid out, I’m no longer on medication of any kind!” And let me tell you she was almost unrecognizable… she had lost so much weight! (60lbs) A miracle of God! The Lord let me know what he had done for her through that prayer 6 months later. WOW! What a Christmas gift that was! I was so thrilled for her and thankful for the Lord to have revealed that to me.

Life experiences have taught me to go through the flow of things each day and be “WHATEVER LIFE CALLS ON ME TO BE!” This is how we are to live. It’s all a part of us putting our faith into practice and putting self aside.

Carried By the River

I discovered that I no longer needed to battle in prayer for my kids and I, why? Because I’m in the complete will of God! I’m no longer under that curse, I’m no longer walking around in a fog of clouds. Everything that we have needed or wanted has been provided for us. I’ve not had to ask for anything! The Lord, from the start, told me to be at peace and to rest in Him that everything had been already taken care of. And it really has been!

What I have learned through this whole experience is when you are on the right path (in the center of God’s will), He has every step of the way already paved for you. Our steps are ordered by the Lord! Remember Ruth? Her steps were ordered. What about Mary? Esther? Joseph? (My favorite character) etc. God is the same today as He was yesterday! That has never changed! It’s the people who change.

Life is so much easier when we COMPLETELY let go and let God! Let Him do what it is that He wants to do through you and for you! Let Him lead the way! He will unlock the doors and open them; you just have to step through. He will make sure every one of your needs are met and more!

There is no doubt when you are in the “Will of God”, there is CONFIDENCE and EXCITEMENT! It feels good to know that I no longer have to battle for my family’s needs to be met. It feels good knowing that I am in the center of God’s will! I am in the center of the river, allowing the river to carry me wherever it wants to take me.

As Pastor John Hobson of Cathedral of Glory (cathedralofgloryms.org) phrased it, “When you are ankle deep in the river you can control what you do, when you are knee deep, you can control what you do, when you are waist deep you can control what you do. But when you are in the center of the river and you are over your head, you can’t control what you do. The river then will carry you to wherever it wants to take you. Being in the center of the river is the same as being in the Will of God! You will not need for anything; you will not have any kind of doubt! You have become a wealthy person in spirit and all else will fall into place!“

Light At the End of The Tunnel

As I look back from my teenage years up to now, I see the handwriting on the wall. Everything I did and had gone through played a huge role in preparing me for what is taking place in my life today! It was a part of training for my purpose… to reach my destiny!

I share personal detail of myself because I want to bring you truth and want you to see there is light at the end of the tunnel! God is not involved in anything that does not produce LOVE! HE IS FOR YOU NOT AGAINST YOU! There are important things to be gained on your journey through the dark tunnel even though it may not feel like it. Know and Trust He has a plan for you!

Begin to see it as a blessing instead of as a struggle or pain. Through the dark tunnel, you learn how to trust in the Lord more and end up with a greater faith then you ever thought possible. But most important of all, you find a deeper love with the Lord, and you begin to see how much He really does love you! His “True Love” doesn’t match the love we think He has for us! It is so much greater and deeper than we could ever Imagine!

Happy Reading, Be Blessed! Remember To Keep the Joy on Your Journey!